Venue Guide

Aberdeen; Inverness; Moray

Aberdeen

AECC - Big, big venue for mainstream music on a grand scale. Apparently it has the best acoustics of all Scotland's venues. If you are sober enough to notice.

Cafe Drummonds - Not so much a café as seedy bar, which induces flashbacks to badly behaved nights on Red Stripe and Rum. Mostly catering for a heavy rock crowd and local acts, Drummonds can also claim to be perhaps one of the last UK venues Model T Ford, the sole surviving chain gang blues man, appeared at. He killed a man don't you know?

Kef - Most of the people in here will probably tell you The Big Lebowski is the greatest film ever and that Howard Marks is brilliant. These people are of course about as clichéd as a Winchester shirt on a mobile phone salesman and thusly are idiots. Kef's hellish lack of atmosphere, claustraphobic outlay and crap range of beers make it a perfect venue for bands you have no intention of attending.

Lemon Tree - Ludicrously variable ticket pricing, irritating reliance on Celtic folky teuchter music, poor stage positioning . . . but capable of hosting an excellent gig when it needs to.

Moshulu - A night of jaegermeister, fosters and the prospect of attractive yet dysfunctional women may not appeal to all but you have to admit it's a great venue with a reputation for attracting a good mix of alternative and upcoming bands.

Music Hall - A very handsome venue indeed. Good capacity and caters for most of the bigger gigs in the North. I still find the gallery irritating. Watching the middle aged, musically retarded and claustrophobic bop around like a cross between an epileptic and an overexcited Japanese Businessman in Private Eye's can be highly distracting.

SNAFU - After the demise of Yogi's Monday indie nights this place went to the dogs. Ignorant, conventional DJ's, with eye's too close together now act as pied pipers to a crowd which is about as cool as finding 'God' at a Teddy bears picnic for the over 40's. SNAFU does host most of Aberdeen's after gig parties and occasionally has a 'big name' DJ come over to earn a fast buck.

The Tunnels - Imagine what the bat cave would look like if it was run by a slightly cooler class of student, had some excellent beers on tap and was actually a club/venue . . . if you can picture that you have the Tunnels. Along with Café 52 perhaps the one other true cool kid hang out in Aberdeen now Estaminet has bitten the dust.

The Moorings – Bikers, goths, seamen, , students and the homeless all congregate in this rowdy little harbour bar. The Moorings boasts excellent bar staff, a superb range of beers from every corner of the globe and a tiny little stage where everything from local SKA bands to Polish Punks strut their stuff. It is also the only place I have ever been propositioned by a pregnant woman. In the very early stages may I add . . . and no I didn’t.

Inverness

Ironworks - Bring yer kilt and hillbilly teeth it's Inverness! Great new venue attracting acts the Highlands could only have dreamt of a couple of years ago. Culloden, The Loch Ness Monster and Gordon Ramsay's brief visit put this glorified shopping centre for teuchters on the map, the Ironworks is just another feather in it's tartan bonnet.

Moray

Eight Acres Hotel - Jazz on a Thursday. That is all.

The Loft - Slightly off the beaten track but worth a visit. History of impressive gigs and a reputation for providing a cracking atmosphere.

Universal Hall - Undoubtedly The Findhorn Foundation is one of Scotland's more unique communities. The hall itself is highly impressive, yet from a non-residents perspective grossly underused. If you are going through make a day of it, hit the beach, grab lunch at The Crown and Anchor and sample some of the rare alcoholic wares found in the Foundation shop. Word of warning about those attractive yet oddly dressed girls that roam around the community, if you can chat about fairies, tree spirits and angels for fifteen minutes solid without sniggering by all means give it your best shot, otherwise don't bother.

Warehouse Theatre - I've never been but Jackson has and he can't remember much so that's generally a big thumbs up.