David Hasselehoff

In the history of the world many great men have stood against tyranny, fascism, the French and just general wrongness. Many of these men we know already, many remain forgotten despite their exploits. One of these great men is David Hasselhoff, an architect of freedom.

For many David will always be the hairy lifeguard sucking in his gut on Baywatch, this would be a heinous injustice however as David is also a musician of staggering significance.

In the heart of old Prussia, David’s music struck a chord with the local populace. So much so in fact his album of 1989 stayed at the top of the German charts for a monumental three months whilst his epic single ‘Looking for Freedom’ was a number one for eight weeks.

It has been claimed by some, David’s music tore the Berlin Wall down almost single-handedly. On December the 31st 1989 David clambered atop the wall and proceeded to sing ‘Looking For Freedom’. His rendition had an ethereal almost otherworldly quality and soon both East and West Germans were surrounding him, transfixed by his message of unity and peace. It wasn’t long before they ripped the wall down to the ground (reports that ‘Mitch’ from Baywatch also helped have recently been proven false, he spent the night in a ‘stand n tan’ booth at a video rental store in Havana drinking Jaegermeister)

David was in the thick of things, hacking away at the wall with all his considerable strength. Poignantly he rescued some of the wall to take back home to his Baywatch friends.

On returning to Berlin in recent years David visited the new museum built to commemorate that glorious night. Despite calls for David to intervene in Iraq, where he was deemed to be more cost effective than a full multi-national invasion, he declined in an effort to concentrate on other projects.

David maintains a considerable world following. In Australia the Sydney Opera house was put to typical good use with a Hasselhoff biographical musical stage show. His albums still sell well in Europe with half a dozen of them going platinum. Last year David even managed to break into the UK singles chart top three with the remarkable ‘Jump In My Car’.

Despite his obvious appeal in parts of The Old World the Hoff just doesn’t seem to have the same credibility in his homeland, which is a travesty considering his Cold War significance.

"Many Americans joke about my popularity in Germany. But they have no idea how beautiful Europe is and how rich it is in culture and fun and warmth and children. In Germany children have brought me thousands of flowers.”

This article was submitted by freelance rifleman Harris. Harris is a leading authority on David Hasselhoff and European Defence. These days sadly the two do not go hand in hand quite the same way they once used to.